I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
