And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
