sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
