This girl is more easily done than said...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
