What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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