I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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