margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
