I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
