so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize