i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
