Quick, to the slutcave!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
