bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
