In the future we'll all be gay
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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