Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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