did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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