apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
