why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
