So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
