Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
