I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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