no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
