She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
