if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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