how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
