apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
