I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
