I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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