Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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