Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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