mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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