I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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