dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
