I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
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If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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