I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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