cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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