Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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