Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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