ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
