A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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