just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
honey bunches of taint.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
