I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
