pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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