I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
