I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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