So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
