are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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