guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
