i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
