I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
