At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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