i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
