I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
