it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
