the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
