it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
