some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
