Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
