Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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