Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
