i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..