i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"