My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?