just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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