threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
